Exploring Non-monogamy Through Cuddling
I believe cuddle clubs are a beginner-friendly introduction to BDSM and the kink community. They can be a place where couples begin to explore non-monogamy or open their relationship. cuddle clubs and cuddle puddles are a great way to receive and give physical intimacy in a non-sexual way. Cuddle clubs can also help people build a community with others who share values of vulnerability, consent, and healing touch.
I stumbled upon cuddle clubs about four years ago on Instagram. I saw a post that said, “Cuddle, Kink, and Touch”, an event where you could cuddle with others, practice a few kink skills, and explore different types of touch, but it was not a play party. I was interested!
At my first cuddle club experience, I was an observer. I came, mixed, and mingled with people. I watched others cuddle in a designated area with fluffy pillows, incense, and cozy blankets. There were cards that provided suggestions for different cuddle positions, each serving a purpose to release energy or provide a different type of sensation. It was truly beautiful. The energy was warm and comforting without the pressure to cuddle.
My second experience was with a cuddle puddle at a play party during Sex Down South. For some reason this night, I was not interested in playing with others and I walked past a group of people on a mat in a puddle of cuddles. I saw smiles and gentle rubs, I heard light laughter and soft conversations. I didn’t join at first, but after circling the room again, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and ask to join the group. That was truly a life-changing experience for me.
The puddle was made up of at least ten Black women and nonbinary people. I felt like I was on a queer cloud and the only thing missing was a rainbow. I remember talking to a person whose head was resting on my right thigh about where she was from. She was from Portland, and I began sharing my experience of spending 48 hours in Portland after a cross-country train ride. The beauty of it for me was having such a casual conversation while intertwined in the arms and legs of ten other people.
What is a cuddle club, cuddle puddle, or cuddle party?
A cuddle club is a space where adults explore giving and receiving consensual, non-sexual touch and physical intimacy. Cuddle clubs often meet consistently, which is different from cuddle parties which may be one-off events. In addition to cuddling and prioritizing consensual physical, and non-sexual touch, cuddle clubs provide a space for individuals to connect through shared values related to vulnerability, boundaries, and intimacy. A cuddle puddle a of three or more people who are cuddling, usually at a play party, and might include some sensual touch. Typically, there are designated areas for cuddling and spaces for guests to connect at cuddle club meetups. You’re not required to cuddle with anyone at the meetups and consent is echoed throughout. There are often light snacks and beverages and sometimes meetups have themes, such as dressing in your coziest pajamas for Saturday morning cartoons or holiday-themed gatherings.
Cuddle Clubs, BDSM, and Kink
When people think of BDSM and kink, they typically envision floggers, dungeons, and bondage. People do not often correlate cuddling with kink. For someone who is interested in BDSM/kink, cuddle clubs can be a safe, non-sexual space to begin because you will typically find people from the BDSM/kink community facilitating the club. It’s an opportunity to learn about consent, boundaries, and communication, which are the foundation of the kink community.
Cuddle Clubs and Ethical Non-Monogamy
As ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationships continue to become more normalized, people have become more curious but often hold a skewed viewpoint of ENM. Many believe ENM is solely about having sex with multiple people outside of their primary partner. While that may be true for some relationships, it does not encompass the vast majority of ENM couples.
For couples who are looking to explore ENM and the poly lifestyle, cuddle clubs can be a great introduction. Couples can attend a meetup and speak with other couples, explore their feelings around control and jealousy, and practice communication and boundary-setting. Cuddling might be the first step towards physical intimacy with others that does not lead straight to sexual intimacy.
Couples can cuddle with other individuals and, during and after the experience, reflect on questions such as:
How does it feel to share that moment with someone other than their partner?
What emotions come up when watching their partner be cuddled or cuddle someone else?
Were there specific positions that felt more comfortable than others?
Cuddle clubs are a powerful space for healing, connection, and community. Whether you are looking to explore non-sexual intimacy, deepen your understanding of consent and boundaries, or simply enjoy human touch in a safe environment, they offer something truly unique. If you’ve never considered attending one before, maybe now is the time to give it a try!
